Ideal mom to the rescue ALWAYS!
2. Healing childhood wounds
3. Shifting fear (present article)
The ideal mom comes handy when we are afraid of something or we are anxious. With her help, we can place our fear and anxiety on the outside, but this works only if we are able to admit and draw up what we are afraid of and anxious about. We can handle fear, anxiety and problems only if we make them clear and understandable for ourselves. We cannot handle the unknown, as we don’t know what it is. We can solve only what we clearly know.
Before the terrorist attack in Paris, the house of one of my friends was robbed. She called me in the middle of the night, I was already in sleep, to tell me what had happened to her, and to cancel our next appointment. She needed to clean up, find some new order and that lasted for days. On the top of all, the police was busy in the house also, and a handyman was about to change the locks too, so our meeting wasn’t convenient for her. It was like a shock for me to learn what had happened to her, and as I know her house very well because I go there regularly, I had the sudden feeling that I was robbed. It was hard to go back to sleep, and from then on, I always had the feeling of insecurity. I did not feel safe in my house anymore, I visualized possible burglary or even attack on me.
During the evenings was the worst, I even checked my wardrobe if there was someone hiding. I did not become paranoid, but my own behavior and fear bothered me, because I knew that I attract my reigning thoughts and feelings into my life. Furthermore I have always been really proud of myself not to be scared easily, as I have been living alone with the girls, but they are not the source of protection, but they need to be defended in case.
The terrorist attack in Paris happened a couple weeks later, and that brought my feelings of insecurity, anxiety and fear even more to the surface, and I knew I had to do something. I asked the universe to help me find the solution, I stated that I wanted to feel secure again. I had been waiting for the help patiently, I knew that the universe would respond me and make the solution clear. I supported and nurtured myself during that period, accepting my own bothering feelings, knowing that soon I would be able to change them. And one day, the universe sent me the answer, the solution came through the case of my younger daughter.
My younger daughter attends two schools. On Mondays and Tuesdays she goes to a special language school, where she studies the language, and on the rest of the week, she goes to her regular class. Since a couple of weeks, she did not want to go to the language class, however earlier she had found it much better than the regular class. I asked her some questions to discover what had caused the change, and we succeeded together. She admitted that she was afraid to miss a lot of fun of the regular class, while she was busy in the language class. She was afraid not to be able to participate in the Xmas ceremony, the trips and visits that the kids make in the regular class, and that she would miss all special occasions that do not happen at the language class. As she could put together her feelings and name her fear, we could find solution for her. She was able to give name to the new feeling either, she felt relief.
And a couple of days later, when my mind was busy again with my own fear and anxiety, I could draw parallel between my case and her case. I realized that I wanted relief also, and I could understand that this is also what the task of the moms, to find solution for those problems, that their children are unable to solve on their own. Kids can have disturbing and anxious feelings what they cannot handle, sometimes they cannot even name them. Then they feel only the anxiety, but they cannot help themselves, they do not have enough tools to nurture themselves. At least not yet. They can learn this ability also through the behavior and attitude of their parents, if the parents nurture and not torture themselves in case of anxiety. A mother who is emotionally available not only strengthens her kids’ self love and acceptance, but pays attention to their anxiety, and teaches them to deal with it. She offers solution, brings relief, takes the burden over and helps to process anxiety and fear.
Oh well, since I have my ideal mom, let’s give her a try, I thought. I wanted to see if she can solve my problems, if she is able to take my fear over, if it’s possible to shift my insecurity on her, and if she can bring me relief? SHE CAN!
Because this is what moms should do either, handle all those burdens and fear that can come up in their kids.
So I looked for an undisturbed place and sat down. I described my insecurity and fear clearly and honestly. You cannot face what you don’t know, so you have to be honest. I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths to relax. For me the easiest technique to focus and close my disturbing thoughts out is to direct my eyeballs to the spot that is exactly between my eyebrows. My eyelids are closed, my eyeballs are fixed on the spot, and if my eyes were open, I’d look definitely cross-eyed. It’s said actually that the spot between your eyebrows is the place of your third eye, your inner eye, this guides your meditation, your thoughts and your intuition. That’s true however, that when I direct my eyeballs to this spot, my thoughts literally stop, my mind goes blank, I no longer think just simply exist. I hold this state and invite my ideal mom.
She arrived from the right above as always, in her golden, shining, healing light. As she got closer, I felt the power and warmth of her light, it felt amazingly good and positive. And she was already busy with her speech: I’m here with you. You are safe, I always take care of you. You can count on me, I bring you peace and I heal you. I love you.
My tears were running down on my chin, we hugged each other tightly, and then she dissolved, disappeared in my body. I opened my eyes in total relief, my fear and anxiety was absolutely gone, they were taken away by my ideal mom, who is me.
This is a practice of shifting, when you get rid of your fear and anxiety by delegating it to someone else, and gaining relief at the same time. You can do this only and exclusively if you are honest to yourself by admitting your real fear, anxiety and problems, otherwise you cannot shift them.
This practice can be repeated if necessary, but after a time you cannot apply it for the same fear, because it will be successfully shifted. I made this shifting one time for the terrorist attack, and I needed 2 shiftings for the anxiety of being robbed. I couldn’t do the shifting more times, as I couldn’t describe my fear anymore. It was already shifted for good.
Sometimes the fear and anxiety needs a second run. After this shifting, the fear of being robbed still haunted me, but very rarely. It was never strong enough to sit down and make the practice. If the feeling of fear or anxiety still lingers around, I do the shifting once again, describing my actual feelings. For the second time, they will be less vivid, it will be more difficult to describe them. Describe what you feel at that moment, and do the shifting the same way.
In case of emotional pain, more shiftings are likely to be needed. By letting go my narcissist interest, I needed more shiftings. This goes the same way, I honestly describe my pain, because this is what I want to get rid of. I admit: I was not wanted, I was not accepted, I was not loved. I was following an illusion, I was a toy, I was naive and hungry for love. Sounds humiliating and devastating, right? Exactly! These are the exact feelings I want to get rid of, all the humiliating and devastating feelings must go!
You can define the painful feelings, because always the same painful thoughts and situations come back to your mind. They occupy your mind, you just have to pay attention. Most people toss them away, try to ignore them, but that will not help. That does not kill the emotions, but enlarge them and the pain will be even more devastating.
In my case the feeling of being pushed away hurt the most, and the feeling of being played with, so I put the emphasis on these two feelings. I do not leave out my own responsibility either, that I was naive and hungry for love. I describe the feelings, relax and invite my ideal mom. And she says her manifestation according to what I want to hear: you are enough and lovable. You are an amazing person with a big, loving heart. You deserve all the best in your life. I love you and I’m always here with you. I’m proud of you for being so honest and helpful to yourself. You are amazing, girl, I love you.
I do this shifting regularly if needed, but after a time I cannot feel the humiliating and devastating feelings anymore, because they are shifted successfully.
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